Sobriety.

Hello All,

I wanted to share a story of my journey towards sobriety, uncovering truths and exploring my mind around addiction. This is my story of addiction and work towards sobriatey.

I have always been a weird person. When I was younger, I didn’t understand why or what and that led me to feel very isolated and detached from other people. Every time I expressed myself fully, I was met with backlash or negativity from my peers sometimes my family. I’m very sensitive to rejection and criticism. I didn’t understand how not to take things personally. I would come up with these interesting ideas, and when I shared them, it felt as if people thought I was crazy or completely idiotic.

My self-esteem has pretty much been in the toilet for most of my life. I just wanted people to like me and accept me for who I am. Apparently no matter how many times my mom told me not to take things personally or put any weight into what people say, it’s really hard to be the independent outlier. I felt like no one understood me. Which is why I tried to understand myself. I was subjected to quite frequent bullying from my peers throughout elementary school and high school. Now I realize that I’m neurodivergent and my way of seeing the world and operating in it doesn’t follow the social norm. And this would often invoke ire from people who benefited off the social hierarchy or my confusion of “how the normal world works”. Or probably just insecure themselves.

So, to help me become better and assimilating appropriating and joining I drink. It started at a football game in high school and even though I didn’t fully commit or continue until I was twenty-one, I started using drugs and other things to be a part of social groups where I was mostly used as support. Never really receiving the same reciprocal support. I was the strong friend, the one nobody needed to check on because apparently, it looked like I could handle things. Even though I was dying inside. I longed and yearned for someone who could understand me. I always have known I’m a good friend and supportive person that people liked to have in their life but didn’t always appreciate me for what I did.

That’s when I met my ex-boyfriend. He said everything I wanted to hear he made me feel seen and wanted and loved. But he became very abusive after time, after the mask slipped and I believe most likely narcissistic. He would get jealous and controlling if I didn’t do what he wanted: he cheated on me multiple times and would blame and gaslight me to believing it was my fault or that I had done something to him that I deserved it. When I found out, I was pregnant at 18 (while on birth control) I knew that I had to do something. I was very scared and my ex-boyfriend used religious dogma and shame of telling his whole friend group and coercion to try to get me to have his family adopt the baby. He was spineless didn’t want to step up and take responsibility for his part, to be the father take care of it. He even accused me of cheating on him and stated the baby wasn’t his. I knew I had a choice at that moment that would’ve impact my entire life and I made it. I’m still proud of that decision today. He shamed me and his friends called me a baby murderer. This comes up to trigger me with current events that continue to make me feel disheartened, the judging mocking women who want to have bodily autonomy and choice over their reproductive health. Women I see myself in. This is an ongoing trigger I use meditation the process and impermanence to help me through

After this incident, we did stay together for a few more years, but the abuse got worse. I just didn’t know how to disengage, and my postpartum depression was crushing. I couldn’t eat or function well. Then the physical abuse started. The emotional abuse had already begun and it had escalated. I honestly didn’t really care if I lived or died because at that point, I was so numb and I started using alcohol and drugs to just feel like I could function.

When I finally was able to leave that relationship, I struggled to fully heal after what had happened and found myself preyed upon multiple times by different men who used my low self-esteem as a way to manipulate and harm me further. I take accountability for just wanting to feel loved and cared for. But at this point that was such a low bar that it just perpetuated the trauma.

At this time, I was hanging out with friends who would regularly do cocaine, ecstasy, getting blackout drunk; we would do acid and mushrooms at any time of the day it didn’t even matter. I was finally single after all further relationships fell apart, and I couldn’t possibly people please, or pretend to not be completely mentally unstable. But I had a group of friends who I thought at least gave a shit about me and we would have a great time partying.

All throughout this, I was still very functional. I was able to go to work hung over hold jobs for a significant amount of time. However, because I felt so lonely and low about myself. I accepted bottom base treatment and low wages, which continually drove me into debt further because I didn’t have enough money to actually live. I also would abuse my credit card in the process of trying to feed myself and function. But still, I could get up and go to work.

When everything crumbled in that friend group, and I decided to move on, I sought out the dancing scene and creativity. By then I had injured myself from overworking and under sleeping. And it all came to bite me in the ass. But I couldn’t draw the connection between that and using. Now that I was unable to work from my injuries, I had time to actually think. And I didn’t wanna see. I couldn’t sleep very well because of my injuries, so I continued to drink more heavily to fall asleep at night. But there my dreams started coming alive and I began to have a very deep dark night of the soul moment. Images and painting started appearing to me in dream state.

I threw myself into a creative artistic career and finally started to get physical therapy on myself. But yet, I was still drinking, going out spending time and experiences with people that didn’t really care about me. But that was part of the course, because I just didn’t realize that I could have people who would reciprocate or give a shit about me. Even friends that I thought I could rely on, I always kept it arm’s length because I didn’t trust them. I didn’t trust anybody for a very long time. Why would you trust people who continually come in and hurt you and then don’t make any kind of amends or repair.

I still feel this way a lot of times around people that try to get close to me because I don’t trust that people have the capacity to repair, or something that they’ve broken or take accountability for their unskillfulness. I don’t know how self-aware of people can be or how compassionate they can be. But I am much better at setting appropriate boundaries now that I have been in this practice, fighting the shame I would feel in asserting myself was so strong, perpetuating behaviors of people pleasing and codependency.

The breaking point came through losing somebody that I thought was a deep connection. They rejected me and immediately started dating and got engaged to someone else. I thought I was going to die. Actually, I wanted to die. So throughout Covid, I tried to eat and drink myself to death. And I don’t think it was necessarily just because of this person, but the combination of all the experiences that I had in my life where I felt that I was rejected harmed uncared for and unloved.

It wasn’t until May 26, 2021 that I hit bottom, I decided I wanted to change. That’s when the real struggles hit and I realize the people that I had surrounded myself with were content with me, trying to kill myself and didn’t really care about who I was. But why would they? I didn’t care about myself. So I went through a very painful unburdening process of realizing who were my allies. Where was I in this addiction and how could I get myself out of it?

I started in AA and I knew that I had a problem, but I didn’t really like the powerlessness and the submission because it felt like the patriarchal trauma and abuse that I had experienced my whole life. I already believed that I was nothing and powerless and awful and that I didn’t deserve good things. Why did I need a program to tell me that?

But I was committed to not using anymore, and so I pushed through got myself a sponsor went to meetings and really tried. I got to about a year and then I relapsed and I realized that there was something really not working here. I had to find a bigger purpose. Which is funny to think because I was already in grad school for my masters. But that’s mostly because I was inspired to go because of other people’s behavior of telling me other problems and never taking any of my advice to help solve them.

I knew that I had a gift for understanding people and dynamics for a long time since kindergarten when I match made one of my friends with a boy and in college I would match make people I always felt like I would fall for somebody and then they would go reconnect back with the person they were meant to be. Kind of like a curse, but now I know differently.

I left AA after I was assaulted by another AA member who tried to 13th step me and I felt completely violated yet again, but I said I was determined not to let this destroy me. I still carry anger around how cavalier and flippant many people are around women being assaulted. Being judged harshly by the public opinion. By this point, I have been around two years sober and I knew there was no turning back. I did not want to go back to drinking, I credit my personal strength for this. I knew I just had to find the right people.

After I hurt my lower back I spent many days in agony one week in February, The only thing I could tolerate were Refuge Recovery online meetings; meeting after meeting after meeting. I started meeting people sharing my story, making friends. It took a while to make friends. I still struggle with connecting because of my trust issues and trauma around who really actually supports me. But being in this program has given me so much more self-esteem, completing my masters has given me a perspective of understanding people and being less reactive to projection and rejection.

The longer that I don’t drink, which has been about four years two months and 17 days. I can understand my mind better. I can see where my strength fit into my life. And I see the pathway that it took me to get here. I realize that, though I had to go through some deeply disturbing and abusive situations with men that it gave me the perspective I needed to help other women through my new career.  And not only that, but it gave me a profound belief that there was nothing wrong with me. And I was able to love myself fully. Treat myself with the compassion in the kindness that I deserved. That I didn’t actually have to fear and feel shameful of speaking up and putting boundaries down. That even though my anger was frightening to people it was the part of me that was protecting me and signifying that something was wrong.

And that I could make decision decisions by removing myself and no longer fighting against people that didn’t give a shit about me or would leave me in the road to die. I feel as if I have the most support I’ve had so far and I have been able to let go of a lot of old wounds that have kept me from expressing myself fully for years.

That I don’t have to take abuse from people just because their family or because I feel like I owe them something or that it’s just expected. I have a new job that I love and that I’m super excited about because it offers me to flexibility and the comforts that I was hoping to have to help other people. I have now time to express myself creatively, I have the confidence to show my artwork in several different art shows this month. I’ve gotten to a point where I no longer care what a lot of people have to say or think about me. And I understand that my experience and presence in this world is to change peoples minds and to be somebody who might rub them the wrong way to get them to change.

Because my superpower is my words it’s how I carry myself. It’s how I show up every single day. It’s the thoughts in my head that I’m learning how to disengage and not react to. It’s the compassion and care that I showed other people. I see myself as a very powerful being and I know that nobody could take that away from me because it’s inside now and not a reflection of how other people think of me and my self-confidence and self-esteem is not based off of what other people think. So thank you.

Welcome!

Hello and Welcome to the Relaunch of my business!

I am a LMFTA, LMT that has been practicing for 14 years in the field and spent the last 6 years studying mental health. I was inspired to make the shift after seeing how much the body, spirit and mind were connected. I also recently was honored for my work by Influential women and you can read their article about my work here. I work with energy, the universal flow and intuition. I have also been certified in Reiki Level 2 practice by Northwest Healing Studio as well as a Modern Mystery School Initiate. I also completed my masters program of Masters of Arts in Marriage and Family Therapy from National University, My undergrad Bachelors from Western Washington University. I started to make the shift from a regular Massage career about 6 years ago, but I was inspired by my own personal journey. I was injured after working two jobs just to make ends meat. I realized that my worth and value had been tied into overworking, high-achieving, and opting into a capitalist system that did not care or value my contribution at all. It was slavery rather than freedom to exist. This devolved into many issues, substance abuse, depression and intense spiritual awakening. I enjoyed helping others, but what would help people heal on a deeper level? Weren’t we all suffering from a spiritual malady keeping us from our own evolution?

While I was unable to work, lift or do much of anything physical, my main profession and pride in my deep tissue work. I learned about the nuance of energy work and how connected to other planes of this universe. Now we are getting into the “woo-woo” part. But I believe, and it has been shown to me that we can affect further beyond our comprehension of this work and more private spaces in our mind and soul carrying trauma and subconscious wounding. This is the root. This is the space to start working with and accessing, teaching and helping the client understand what I have learned of how to access those places within themselves and heal.

There is so much that is projected, ignored, repressed and avoided in our consciousness, the impact of this is real. Depression, Anxiety, Mental disorders, insomnia, agitation, aggression, psychosis and even possibly violence and soul possession. There are people out there who have the ability to corrupt, invade and cause distress to our souls, there is a class of Narcissistic vampirism combined with sociopathic psychopathy that allows people to function well in the 3D world and be successful by harming, oppressing and stealing from innocent people. It is so well ingrained in how our society operates that it is normalized. Only now withing the world stage and political sphere are we really seeing what evil can accomplish if it is unchecked. To fight back and take our autonomy back, we must evolve our spiritual selves to be able to see through the lies and manipulation of people who wish to control and co-opt our consent for harm.

But it starts from within. We must be the change we see in ourselves. We must heal the inner child, past lives and unexpected attacks from people who see our energy source at their own personal well. This will take your perspective from the obvious, the 3D reality and shift into recognizing that the universal energy is an untapped recourse to empower ourselves. Energy healing is as old as Ancient Egypt and mystics from every era are seen as outliers and insane to regular polite society. This is because it is a disruptor to the flow of compliance. We do not comply to rules that do not respect us.

Welcome to the Age of Aquarius! Where the collective gets to create the rules and dismantle the oppressive vampiric society of greed and inhumane blood for profit.

Thank you, and please check out what resonates for you.

End of the beginning.

Hello people out there,

I find it so interesting that there is this expectation of a masking in social situations. Understanding the social cost of Neurotypical contextual understanding. Our brains think completely different from what the main stream structure has been forcing us to learn. There is a decorum, a hierarchy. However, many people on the spectrum do not register the power structure and chain of command. Demanding respect with no action to provide context will be rejected or monitored. The idea that there is a subtext that isn’t shared and clarified is not acceptable. We present evidence, observed through pattern recognition. This allows for data collection and comparison to behavioral patterns of humans. The act of provocation and control of the narrative seems to be the way to discredit a Neurodivergent person observing the world. We live in a cultural Narrative that expressly pushes the idea that power is the most important tool to manipulate and move the masses. This is false, harmful and perpetuates “he who has the most control over others is the highest favored and will have “all the gold.” Meanwhile disregarding empathy, compassion and skillful behavior. Influencing the masses is less of an act of kindness and generosity, with a Christ consciousness; rather a dogmatic cult-like system of oppression. If all narratives are not considered, the “victor” controls the narrative and can influence history, the spin of the story and the tone of who was “to blame”. This removes commonsense and spirituality from the entire mechanism. Who are we if we only believe one side of a story? How do we see the intentions and perspective of another human as to realize that we are all in this together. We are all suffering. There are people in positions of high influence and financial power that are setting the standard for those who have much less ability to sway a decision. Yet when there are so many people, this can outweigh overt power. There are more of us than there are of the restrictive powers. Rather than let the delusions of grandeur and financial gain in a systems, ranked unfairly for so many, perpetuate those getting richer for their lack of communist mindset for the community, which is what capitalism represents. We would find connection, community, good will, reparations, healing, grief and safety nets of a matriarchal system.

Which is not the opposite of the patriarchy, which asks us to kill the feminine, empathetic, kind, compassionate vulnerable side within us to succeed at other failure by besting them and looking out only for ourselves. A kind of rugged individualism, that idealizes this thought that one man can be a “god”. We are all mortal. None of us get out of this life alive, we must enjoy and understand the lessons we are given to improve the connection to our own soul, linage and the divine. This does not come through a book written and rewritten by men, interpreted though many inflections, languages, lenses and ideology that were oppressive and keeping people ignorant to their own power.

Women have always been the beacons of life and hope. Men (presented), are there to help support and learn from these women with equality, equanimity and autonomy. There is a deep wound in the masculine for a strong masculine love. We all have masculine and feminine energies with in, so the idea is that we are fixing the internal monologue, the patterning and belief systems of the self to elevate and evolve out of the selfish version of our scarcity mindset. We can learn to trust one another through kind, thoughtful interactions and respect one another through open communication, patience, grace and temperance. This will increase the power and opposition to those who are actively trying to control and subjugate the human race through fascism and the structures of surveillance and imprisonment.

Happy Revolution of the Heart through the portal of the Solar Eclipse in Leo.

May regimes change and kingdoms fall, to create change for the humanity that is suffering.

Love,

Frankie.

Everything is Too expensive and unfair.

Well, we just made it through one of the most emotional Mercury retrogrades. There were tears, there was rage, there was laughter. Sometimes I even danced in between. It really asked us to look at the places in our life where we we’re not feeling valued, that deep internal space of the 4th House of Cancer. Everything in the world around us influences us whether we realize it or not. Our triggers can be deeply ingrained, that we don't even realize when somebody does something else and it will set a chain reaction of our emotions off. When all we want is softness, compassion, kindness, caring and to burrow into ourselves. The world was asking us to pause and really identify those emotional states that can destroy our relationships, the unwise speech and assumptions of tone. Why is it always something?

I know my home definitely got an upgrade, and I really loved picking up new plants recycling, composting old vegetation. But I have to say the strange maggot explosion on my deck was very unprecedented and uncomfortable. As if that was a microcosm of the external world where maggots are flying at you and then they all become flies; then flies are all up in your space. The spiritual meaning of flies takes many flavors. They're a nuisance, asking us to call attention to something. Like many insects they go from larva to winged, going through a period of transformation. Yet they're also part of the decay process, going in a goop like form to reestablish the boundaries and the structures that are needed. Sometimes it shows us where there is neglect, but how we can persevere to be resilient. It can be just so overwhelming, feeling like a gigantic shadow is over coming you and there's nothing to do but cry. Yet, somehow the only way is through. Identifying the impurity in our life whether it's external, internal or somewhere in between; we are reminded of our mortality and the spirit realm.

How much can we tolerate or how much have we been tolerating that we don't need to be tolerating. Life is difficult enough without adding external suffering; there's things coming at us six ways from Sunday and yet we decide to be upset over something so inane. Shit fucking happens and it's gonna keep happening, until one day we get up and we say you know what I am not under siege and I do have control and power. I just need to know where to apply it. If Mitch McConnell can still pretend he's alive and protect his seat in the Senate, you can do so much work from your fugue state in bed. I admit I do get irritated when I hear people say there's nothing I can do so I might as well detach. It's not uncommon, rather very easy to try to do that rather than engage and pay attention. But honestly if you're CAUSASIAN, I don't think you really have the choice to anymore. And yes, I will bring race into it because we live in America which was founded on the backs of black slaves,’ genocide of Native Americans and underpaid labor of Chinese Americans. Being white is not a race, we shouldn't take offense to it. It's a mentality in its amalgamation of several different countries that present with less melanin in their skin and the “right type” of skin color. Also, it channels back to class and wealth because there is a “wrong type” of white, but yet they will try to convince you that you are one of them.

Let's not get into this race debate but refocus our attention on the inequality of wealth, we are facing a mass extinction on our planet and the people who are wealthy know it because they have access to that information. Part of being in an upper class is receiving certain things that the lower classes do not; immunity from sex crimes, the ability to launder and avoid tax. Secrecy and to surveil the other classes. And if this is also new to you, that you think this is a conspiracy; I urge you to do your own research rather than coming into comments and arguing as that will not be tolerated. Not because I am unafraid of what is said, but because I have done such extensive research on this current state of tipping point that it would be a waste of my time to do so. As we are headed into very harsh weather and there is already flooding and wildfires ravaging most of America, rather than turning towards hate and anger I would say let's all find compassion for one another. We are not going to survive without one another and coming together against the small population of very wealthy people who wish to maintain power and control over us. The boogeyman is what they've created us all to become to avoid looking at what's really going on.

We need to support one another, have compassion and empathy for one another and create our own forms of generational wealth that do not require: alcoholism, generational trauma, rape, incest and other horrible control mechanisms of old money. The patriarchy must die and we will kill it by investing in ourselves in a matriarchal system.

A Whole New World

Hello Compatriots,

I understand that speaking about ongoing events that have escalated can be tricky. There is little expertise except for experience. So, I would trust to know that some people have better firsthand accounts. Those who have been warning us for so long. That imperialism is when it’s directed at the world, and inward it becomes fascism, bigotry and outright racist behaviors. So collectively let’s take a deep breath.

We’ve finally stepped out of that dark closet, ignoring what has been happening around us. The veil is lifted on the eyes of the privileged and protected skin color or lifestyle. There are rules and places we’re not allowed to break through. It is always pictured as infighting amongst those who share common ground. The aggressor turns their power into a distraction, a contradiction, morality. Money makes the world go ‘round. Aspire to be protected by it’s power.

You might ask yourself why, why is this “tea salesperson”, Massage therapist, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in training thinking she can weigh in on some political matter? Life is politics. It matters how we treat one another; the right behavior dynamic and relational patterns can help our communities grow into self-reliant tribes. We can take the power back. However, it is vital that we resolve differences with those around us and set healthy boundaries. We need a support network that can understand power dynamics and chain of command in a matriarchal way. This ensures that the values of being and care are places on the correct people; the children, the elderly and the ill. This is the kind of society that increases lifespan and happiness exponentially.

War is and insecure and untrained boy’s game. Beating on someone out of cruelty to prove some point of brutality. We have tried this for thousands of years. Imperialism fails. By nature, its ego is unsufferable. When it becomes too overburdened by its own hubris, it fails. Nothing can stop it but its own morality, or immorality in this case.

We have pastors, whoring themselves out for “the second coming” forgetting that the “mark of the beast” has been clearly defined in the book they hold so dear. What would Jesus do? I’m not talking about the whitewashed version of catholic and Lutheran churches. The man who gets up every morning and goes to work trimming your hedges, speaking disrupted English and makes more of himself from nothing than most in a day. The system isn’t here to help him, but he does it anyways.

This system, that oppresses us. Asks us to whore ourselves out for money only to pay it to live. This isn’t what life was meant to be. Bootstraps. When the wealthiest came from generational wealth, under the guise of hard work. More like modern slave labor. The lie perpetuated over and over for fame and fortune. Coopting many into the cult.

The new world is egalitarian, and equanimous. This is the birth process to a new world. We are in the first trimester, first month of the relativity it will take to get there. You have been fertilized by the seed of rebellion and new stories. We get to make the rules. But we must be willing to fight for it.

Intimacy and Consent

Hello Earthlings,

It is the season for “cuffing” and settling into the autumnal equinox. As the days get darker and shorter, we find ourselves longing for the warmth of and comfort of another person. But what happens when dating apps fail, pessimism is at an all-time high? Can we find companionship in the disconnect between needs and desires? What does intimacy even mean? What does consent mean? How do we identify our boundaries and expectations without isolating or alienating from another?

Intimacy is often mistaken for sex, but it can be much more than that.

Sue Johnson speaks of it like a choreographed dance of understanding the affect and deepening emotions between people, enacting new steps of interaction and exploring how they feel. It’s about understanding someone’s attachment needs and how secondary emotions express themselves. These are the ones that push partners away from one another. Understanding the negative repetitive sequence of emotions due unmet attachment needs allows us to be multi-dimensional.

Is the world burning?

Hello dear friends,

It might seem as if everything has fallen apart. There are no rules, there is no order, and laws are no longer being obeyed by our government. I urge you not to lose hope, in this time when hope is sparse and it would be so easy to fall into the drain of despair. It is time for us to take the lead and show up. Acknowledge your strengths and know what you are capable of. Mutual aid is not just a phrase we throw around but is a system of activists who bring their specialties together to form a collective to help each other through this time. It is important to weigh out your expectation versus reality. Like any relationship sometimes we will be doing more of the work and receiving some less benefits. However, there is times when we will receive more benefit or preference and have done less of the work. Think of it in terms of cost benefit analysis if you are coming from a profession that views actions through numbers and values. However, the important thing is that we don't view people through numbers and values. Humanity is at stake; we must remember that there are no lines drawn or borders that are real. The only things that are real are people. At any point in our lineage or our history or in our future there will be migration due to circumstances that are beyond our control. Need to connect back into our planet earth and listen to the things she has been trying to speak to us. Her words echo not out loud but in actions, natural disasters, regeneration of species, seismic shifts of land. How can we improve this land around us? What can we learn about its needs? Where can we pay attention to policies that aim to mine resources from an overburdened planet? There are sustainable options, and we can shift this timeline towards renewal. We do not have to rely on the past innovations an exhaustion of resources through costly measures. This paradigm shift is asking us to think differently to address the issue differently. All we need is positive change towards solutions. And the hope to drive us there. That is where connection and compassion come in. We must see ourselves as one rather than factions of many different tribes. Though we are different in skin color creed belief and ancestry, we have one goal to continue creating a harmonious ecosystem. To protect our future. If you are worried, if you hold fear in your heart please contact me. In the future I will begin to offer counseling sessions as well as nature walks to reconnect with and find solace in the natural world.

Addressing our Codependency

Many of us are unaware of the self-limiting and self-sabotaging behavior patterns that have been repeated and promoted throughout history in to moder society. Through media, movies, lack of correct information and blocks to therapy access. Codependency can range from addictive behaviors like overconsuming news media and videos to relying too heavily upon the opinions of peers, making decisions against our desired outcomes for the satisfaction of notoriety or pleasing others. Often, we don’t even realize or are cognizant that the decisions we make are to our detriment. So what can be done, how to address the root of the issue? Therapy is very important; however, it can be difficult to find the right medical professional and there are monetary blocks to access that have left many without and connection to care. There are many self-help books available and are easily accessed by internet or book stores.

Facing codependency details the disease of and symptomology of codependency, how to recognize it and the harm it can cause in the lives of those who struggle. From the perspective of self-discovery, the author Pia Mellody identifies the five main symptomology around what codependency is and how it can be hidden beneath people pleasing and other addictions.  The idea of study begun though her own experiences with anxiety, anger and fear around a profound lacking feeling without any guide to what she was experiencing; she pieced together despite her best efforts of working within the medical field that she was living an unauthentic detached and disrupted life. She paints a hopeful recognition of symptoms around learning to cope and heal the parts of self that have become dysfunctional and profoundly unwell, unlearning patterns and belief systems that were learned within the development of childhood from the caregivers. Recovery is possible from patterns that are played out through negative control mechanisms and resentment that sabotage the person’s desire for cohesive and intimate relationships. Codependency can affect all areas of life and impair the ability to sustain intimacy in all relationships, most importantly how a person shows up in the world. Often it can be overshadowed by addiction as it has a component of avoiding reality, as people who struggle can seem like an adult in many ways yet feel fearful, confused and immature. To avoid these feelings of discomfort many of those who have learned the helplessness of codependency often experience addiction, physical and mental illness.

The chapters of this book highlight several points of how codependency manifests in actions and details how it evolves into negative and self-sabotaging traits that can exacerbate the suffering within a person’s life. This eye-opening perspective can help those who are struggling begin to identify and heal parts of themselves that have seemed confusing and destructive in life for quite some time. This is highly effective for those who are tuned into a guide of self-identification for previously unknown and lightly covered disorders within the DSM-V, where many disorders have similar symptoms yet the details for these symptoms are misunderstood or difficult to realize. As core symptoms influence other types of behavior seemingly unrelated, it can become a maze of inappropriate actions with little recognized patten to begin connecting. Many of those who struggle have defenses against recognizing abuse as there is a disruption of reality, someone can rationalize a behavior pattern due to having had no other defense from experiencing similar caregiver behavior during child development. These defense mechanisms can cause behavior that is confusing or distressing where the self becomes distorted and the feelings that were experienced are cognitively understood yet not felt. This leads to a new and altered perspective of behaviors and actions that minimize harm, denies accountability and provides a narrative of delusion for the person to struggle repeatedly with life goals and direction.  This may even be a generational pattern that was a passed down behavior from a dysfunctional family of origin, where their growth and self-actualization was stunted by their parents own inability to recognize codependent or abusive patterns within.

If the reader was a struggling student or someone wishing to understand deeper the reasons why they cannot live a normal life with reasonable guidance or clarity of self-improvement, this is a worthwhile read. This is a great study for therapists and aspiring therapists to help themselves and clients hold a greater understanding of their own behaviors or those of their clients. Pia Mellody is a practicing therapist and helps to detail the challenges of those who are struggling with codependency and how to connect with those who may be developmentally different than Erikson’s or Piaget’s developmental behavior timeline. There is a new perspective behind addiction and the behaviors often masked by using substances, people, or negative behaviors to ignore or cover up emotions within the subconscious and even trapped in the body. This book is one of its kind as Pia Mellody has a recognized authority on the codependence topic, however she has coauthored this book with two other writers Andrea Wells Miller and J. Keith Miller who have contributed several books of their own like the topic. Facing Love Addiction, Breaking Free, A Hunger for Healing and Compelled to Control are other self-education books that cover similar topics as codependency.

References

Heyd, M. (2017). How to write a book review—and why you should. Journal of Hospital Librarianship, 17(4), 349-355.

Mellody, P. (1989, 2003). Title Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes From, How It Sabotages Our Lives. New York: HarperCollins.

Journal of Marital and Family Therapy. https://authorservices.wiley.com/Reviewers/book-reviewers/reviewing-published-books.html

False Prophets and the illusion of control

The idea of healing and faith has been around a long time. Back to performing miracles in Revival Tents. But this was limited to the guise of religion and only one true GOD. As usual I will be pushing thoughts and ideas that may be uncomfortable, if this triggers you, I may suggest sitting with it. Or perhaps I am not the practitioner for you, which is the point exactly. No one is allowed to tell you how to believe or practice your faith, but this also means you cannot impose upon others your beliefs. Life is fluid and flexible, with no black and white answers or thinking. We belong to the collective consciousness of energy, which means that there is influence of “the all” and not one person is superior or more influential. The illusion is that with followers, media, and attention; the power can be subverted or skewed in a direction to create greater mastery and control. However, this is false. Newtons 3rd law comes into play here:

“Newton's third law says that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

This means that whenever an object moves, pushes or presses another object, the second object reacts by returning the same amount of force.

Objects react by creating resistance, or pushing back.” Newton's Laws of Motion: Newton's Third Law (gcfglobal.org)

Physics is energy that impresses on the physical. It is scientifically tested and applied laws of the universe. Energy work and metaphysics can be hard to intellectually process without faith; and not faith as in a hierarchal belief system taught by religious masters, but the trust in the universal flow that promises tomorrow the sun will rise. But most people want to be told what to believe or think as it is easier to let others search for meaning and glean what they understand, until it isn’t. That is the thing, after time if enough people disregard their own intuition which is the gut feeling when we know what the right thing is to do. Faith is hard as the mind seeks to find logic in all things, we want proof and validation. Many people are atheist due to the oppressive demand of religion on our senses. The assault and trauma of being forced to believe something just “because it works and don’t question it or me”. That asking questions and seeking different cultural beliefs will get you kicked out or in trouble with the natal family. Love us and out beliefs or get out you traitor, just because you ask a question that triggers the very foundation of their beliefs.

“In 1963, Stanley Milgram set out to answer this question. He wanted to test how far individuals would go in order to punish another individual when told to do so by an authoritative figure. The test was rather simple, which no doubt led to its lasting effects within psychological literature. Disguised as a learning experiment, participants were asked to administer electrical shocks to a stranger when they gave incorrect responses to scripted questions. The "shock machine" was labelled with steadily increasing voltages, beginning at 15 volts and increasing right up to 430 to 450 volts, with the last two volts labelled "XXX." In reality, the (hidden) learner was not receiving shocks, yet after each "mistake" the learner screamed with pain to give the illusion of being administered a shock.

The results of this study shocked the world and have been forever echoed in Psych 101 classes across the globe: 65 percent of the participants were willing to administer a lethal shock to the learner, even after the learner had stopped screaming in pain, falling eerily silent during subsequent shocks.

The results were championed as a harrowing explanation as to how the Third Reich could attempt to wipe out an entire race of people, or how the Communist regime could be responsible for the slaughter of millions of its own people.” -Psychology today What They Never Taught You About Obedience to Authority | Psychology Today

This also heavily applies today, during a time of genocide. Perpetrated by on nation believed to be children of God, but also have suffered a great violent oppression in the past. Where there hasn’t been much healing and a great debate on validity of history. The fear of elimination has turned the oppressed into the oppressor. A deep trauma in the general collective as well. Religion has a way of uniting people in a way that no other has quite captured, however governmental leadership, capitalism and advertising have borrowed some tactics. Taking over and rebranding ideas, places and times of celebration. Christmas isn’t truly how it is told, yet we continue to perpetuate the story year after year. Before Christians tuned in the Catholic church coopted the pagan celebration of solstice and Saturnalia.

“Originally celebrated on December 17, Saturnalia was extended first to three and eventually to seven days. The date has been connected with the winter sowing season, which in modern Italy varies from October to January. Remarkably like the Greek Kronia, it was the liveliest festival of the year. All work and business were suspended. Slaves were given temporary freedom to say and do what they liked, and certain moral restrictions were eased. The streets were infected with a Mardi Gras madness; a mock king was chosen (Saturnalicius princeps); the seasonal greeting io Saturnalia was heard everywhere. The closing days of the Saturnalia were known as Sigillaria, because of the custom of making, toward the end of the festival, presents of candles, wax models of fruit, and waxen statuettes which were fashioned by the sigillarii or manufacturers of small figures in wax and other media. The cult statue of Saturn himself, traditionally bound at the feet with woolen bands, was untied, presumably to come out and join the fun.

The influence of the Saturnalia upon the celebrations of Christmas and the New Year has been direct. The fact that Christmas was celebrated on the birthday of the unconquered sun (dies solis invicti nati) gave the season a solar background, connected with the kalends of January (January 1, the Roman New Year) when houses were decorated with greenery and lights, and presents were given to children and the poor. Concerning the gift candles, the Romans had a story that an old prophecy bade the earliest inhabitants of Latium send heads to Hades and phota to Saturn. The ancient Latins interpreted this to mean human sacrifices, but, according to legend, Hercules advised using lights (phos means “light” or “man” according to accent) and not human heads.” -Britannica Saturnalia | Celebration, Sacrifice, & Influence on Christmas | Britannica

There are many historical ideas that have been repackaged and rebranded by the church to promote religion as fun, whilst asking for complete and total allegiance to their cause. Over the years there has been many pursuits of greatness. The Crusades and seeking out “new worlds” for expansion of the Roman Empire, The expansion of the British Empire. Pillaging people for slaves, treasures for gold and riches. Colonialism perpetuated by religion gave Anglo-Saxon culture power to yield over smaller and less violent cultures who communed with the earth and her nature. However, it didn’t guarantee their success or power, many people are experiencing an awakening to their own personal power. There have been many healers and light workers joining a community of those who are guiding others into the light and self-actualization. However, there are many people who have not dealt with their own daemons and shadow side continuing to lead others away from personal power and autonomy. That is why discernment of your beliefs and hope for a better future comes from compassion, kindness and the growth mindset of expansion. Rather than continual compression of the spirit through fear, oppression and denial of the self-governing power of individual thought. Always check the sources of information people use to make their points and do your own research! What do those people stand to gain from your investment?

The atmosphere and Bombs

This might be the sad news we aren’t looking forward to these days, but I’m not always here to deliver the good news. If you want a Tarot card reading on your personal life, you might feel something similar. However, I’m here for warnings, planning and changing course for better outcomes! Optimism is the color of your glasses and the rumination track in your head! Join the mediation group starting 2024 for that mentality shift.

Today we are talking about the middle east or more specifically Gaza and the plight of the Palestinian people. You might be screaming at me, “but don’t you condemn HAMAS??!!?” and let me tell you this is probably not the place for you then. Much of the Zionist intel from Israel has surveilled them for years, so ask yourself then if they knew its creation and location why are they bombing schools and hospitals where children and injured people are? GENOCIDE and land grabs for resources is your short answer. If Israel wasn’t so manipulating the narrative, why do they need to censor pro-Palestinian posts? Beyond that I’ll let you unpack the history on your own time.

We are here to talk about how the situation of climate change is only getting worse and exacerbated by all of the explosives and fire being shot off. Not to mention how much more unpredictable seismic activity will happen if the resources are drilled from the GAZA strip and West Bank (which is also being bombed with no evidence of HAMAS).

According to InsideClimateNEWS.com:

“The United States does report military emissions to the United Nations—sort of. The United Nations Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change says that military emissions, if reported, should be included in a category marked “nonspecified.” That same category also includes things like civilian waste incineration, so it’s essentially impossible to parse out which specific emissions come from military sources. And certain major military sources of emissions—like fuel during multilateral operations—are listed in the United States’ reporting as “included elsewhere,” though it’s unclear where. Other categories of military fuel consumption aren’t reported at all.”

As it is well known, the United States continues to be a faithful supporter of the Zionist state of Israel and so who knows how much pollution is coming off of the missile’s sent to blow innocent men, women and children to smithereens. Don’t like that sentence, well neither do I, but denying the reality at this point does no one any good. We need accountability in the pentagon, especially after it failed its most recent inventory audit, YET AGAIN.

“The Pentagon failed its comprehensive audit in fiscal 2020, the third year it has failed since the first audit was conducted in 2018, reflecting system and accounting problems across its vast bureaucracy that could persist until 2027, the department's comptroller said on Monday.” - REUTERS.COM

When it comes to the surface and subsequent layers of the earths crust, when we introduce mining for resources into already fragile or even newly discovered areas, the flow and delicate balance or pressure within the mailable core can become disrupted.

“The virgin state of stress in the earth's crust is disturbed by mine excavations which result in stress concentrations in the rock. Rock emits seismic pulses when subjected to stresses approaching in value the strength of the rock. Mining gives rise to seismic activity ranging from microseismic events radiating 10−5 J (M - 6) to rockbursts or tremors radiating 109 J (M5).

Rock failures in mines fall into four main categories: rockfalls, in which loosened rock falls mainly under its own weight; rockbursts which are violent failures of rock and may cause damage to excavations; bumps, which are violent failures, but which do not cause damage to the excavations; and outbursts in which the rapid release of gas causes rock to be ejected into the excavation. Microseismic activity is associated with all these four categories of rock failure.

Rockbursts and bumps occur in deep metalliferous mines in which thin tabular deposits in strong, brittle siliceous rocks of igneous or metamorphic origin are worked. The seismicity associated with mining appears to have many features in common with those natural earthquakes. However, the mechanics and dynamics of mining can be analysed relatively completely and the excavations provide access to the source region of the seismic events.” (Cook, 1976)

So why are we just hell bent on destruction? Capitalism and greed are endless soul sucking profit chasing beliefs that need to die in 2024. So find your boycott list here and keep pushing at denying your tax dollars to fund destruction. We can make a difference, I promise. Awareness is the key.

LOVE YOU!!!

EMERALD CITY WITCH

New Year New Resolve

After weathering several repeated storms, volcanos, tornadoes, snow, global climate change and the ocean on fire. It is 2022 and this year is a 6 year numerically which means harmony, connections and victorious outcomes. The last two years have been one failure after another for any body of power to have an impact beyond hoping and praying what they’re doing is going to have a successful outcome. We see it in government and then deeper within ourselves. As our internal understanding of the world is reflected to outside and shaping our reality is the key to happiness. Yes, there are forces out of our control, yet we are humans always up for the challenge. If life has been punching us into the gut, what are we ignoring and needing to change that has become untenable the way it is? Make the change, we cannot be afraid of change because it happens whether we want it or not. Better to be ahead of the curve than dragged along with the under toe. Respectfully, not all of us are fired up and still healing our wounds from the last 20 years. Reconciling with our past decisions and the eternal why?? did I have to learn the lesson like this, such the weight of the world on my chest. Diamonds and precious metals are forged within the earth’s crust through pressure and perseverance. We are in the season of Capricorn, a cardinal earth sign so you may feel this extra at this point. Being a master of your own life is harnessing energy that is available and using it to your advantage. Be the magician of your own life and make it happen. But also remember to rest, hydrate, cleanse and balance your energy to make sure you’re creating the correct things and with the right touch. This is where our health is vital. We must be resistant to breaking down as we are the resistance to what seeks to mindlessly destroy the earth for profit. The only outcome to that is our own destruction so the question is: Do you want to live another day or are you resigned to let whatever comes and be run over? There can be a balance of doing and resting to where we can be eternally functioning, you just need the keys to unlock your own internal balance. Please check out my services and tea products.

Sincerely,

The Emerald City Witch

Bleakness

There was an article today talking about how efforts to improve and pledges to assist in climate action are lacking and it has become completely politicized to not want our earth to become uninhabitable. Even with bias and media outlets reporting different things it does have grim outlooks. There are still options, media is sensationalized. There are plenty of forests and several activist groups creating change around the world. Protests at banks are alerting consumers to the infamous ‘line 3’ pipeline being funded by your bank. There is still time, let us not despair. You can join our seed program for 15$ a month and get out there to plant seeds wherever you go. Trees are important no matter the caliber, however I like fruit trees for people to eat and vegetables to pop up randomly like when I was a child. On the eve of the Pisces full moon, which has made me overly emotional about the fate of humanity if we don’t destroy ourselves sooner. The detachment from our survivalist and earthbound mentality has given us too much time spent arguing over mundane and minute details of social order and class. Yes, you read that sentiment right. The terrifying part is that we all have to suffer the consequences together, even if no one agrees on what is going on. So I believe in that order, anarchy has been called up for radical lifesaving change. We must do what ever necessary to help save our planet, even if it means sacrifice the very electronics or lifestyles more modern civilization decided was best. Its time for less. If we keep going, it means it will become forced upon us. Until then my friends.

Welcome to the Earth BLOG!

This has been in the works for some time now, probably given the emergency of a global pandemic and the need to really work toward a sustainable future. I refuse to let corporations win and try to actually make a difference. I love nature: hiking, biking, walking, growing food, breathing clean air. You know all the basics. Some of my favorite places are around here in the Pacific North West that are green and very dense forests, however that won’t stop the destruction of forests for profit. So My mission is to help motivate people to rebel and plant seeds (literally) and in their own community awareness of how the destruction of forests and mining recourses are literally going to kill us, then how can we fight back?

Strength in community and numbers, colonialism and capitalism is a disease on our planet that is a never ending need for input and recourses. Fuck that! Let us all revert back to tribal mentality where we can care for one another on a more personal level as well as break the hold of consumerism and inadequacy midframe

We have work to do, but with the ever changing policy and expansion of an empire mind consistent baby steps are needed. Interested in a “die in” or protest? Follow a water protector or see how to help them fund the work? Need your own centering and rest? (Remember resting when tired helps a warrior sustain their plan and not burn out!) Follow here, Facebook @queenoffireenterprises or instagram @Emerald_City_Witch7

We have the power as people, never forget that, that is the propaganda of those who only glorify success and power through monetary pursuits and qualifies productivity as a measure of worthiness. You are worthy just as you are, existing.

Do not let capitalisms push you to death through despair.

Thank you for reading my tangled web of thoughts,

See you next week for an update.

Frankie Nicole