Intimacy and Consent

Hello Earthlings,

It is the season for “cuffing” and settling into the autumnal equinox. As the days get darker and shorter, we find ourselves longing for the warmth of and comfort of another person. But what happens when dating apps fail, pessimism is at an all-time high? Can we find companionship in the disconnect between needs and desires? What does intimacy even mean? What does consent mean? How do we identify our boundaries and expectations without isolating or alienating from another?

Intimacy is often mistaken for sex, but it can be much more than that.

Sue Johnson speaks of it like a choreographed dance of understanding the affect and deepening emotions between people, enacting new steps of interaction and exploring how they feel. It’s about understanding someone’s attachment needs and how secondary emotions express themselves. These are the ones that push partners away from one another. Understanding the negative repetitive sequence of emotions due unmet attachment needs allows us to be multi-dimensional.